Category: QbyN – Spinning Tales

There is no other way to say this, to sugar coat it, or to soften the blow. So, I will just get it off my chest right now: “If you recognize the picture above from the early 70s, you are old!” If it helps, I remember it quite vividly. I am referring here to Memorex and their very successful advertising campaign with the slogan: “Is it live, or is it Memorex?” What the company was pitching was the high quality audio of its magnetic, 4 track cassette tapes, a quality so high, they were suggesting that consumers would have a difficult time distinguishing between a live performance and one recorded on their cassette tapes. To further drive the point home, a second iconic photo was used featuring Ella Fitzgerald and a broken wine glass:

Illustrating that the audio on the tape was so life-like, that played at the right volume it could shatter a glass! I cannot say for certain how many people believed this, but it was an effective campaign and they sold lots of cassette tapes. I remember thinking at the time that if the sound quality was that good, why were people lining up overnight for a chance to get a wristband, that would then allow them to line up yet again to purchase a coveted ticket to hear their favorite band perform live, as was the norm in the early 70s? I mean, why go through all that, when you could sit in the comfort of your own home in your jammies, and simply pop a Memorex tape into your cassette player? The answer, of course, is that a live concert is one-of-a-kind, and even if you splurged and bought a ticket for two shows that your favorite band was playing in your home town, every show would be different because it is virtually impossible to replicate exactly a live performance. The recorded version of the songs you heard live, will always be the same, exactly the same every time you listen to the tape. The other reason people stood in long lines seeking coveted tickets…bragging rights! How else do you explain the fact that over two million people, at some time or another, have claimed to have been at Woodstock, when we know that it was approximately 500,000 over that four day period in 1969!

What sparked this trip down memory lane, was yet another article I recently read in Vanity Fair titled “Writer’s Block” by Joe Pompeo, with the subtitle: “Journalists see artificial intelligence bots like ChatGPT as a potential threat – and an opportunity.” Pompeo refers to ChatGPT’s debut, stating that it “immediately stood out as the most proficient entrant in a growing field of robotic writing tools.” He even refers to other companies now getting into the game, like Google and Microsoft, as a “AI arms race,” which may be an accurate assessment of what’s going on, but it is also downright frightening! There have been article after article discussing these technologies and their impact on education, politics (remember all that Russian disinformation on the Internet that was poorly written?), and in general the written word. A common thread in all these articles is that at some point or other, every author has mentioned the words Orwellian and dystopian. For those that are not yet willing to denigrate what these bots are capable of, almost all of them point to the fact that they can create passable content “much faster” and in an “articulate way.” Because, as we all know, all the great works of literature were created very quickly!

For me, the tape cassette’s tag line: “Is it Live, Or Is It Memorex” can easily be applied to the current proliferation of writing bots with only a slight twist: Is It Human, Or Is It a Bot?” Do you think you could tell, after reading something like a short report on California’s wet winter, if it was written by a human or a bot? Well, today is your lucky day! I sat down at my computer this morning and wrote a short piece about the winter we’ve just experienced, and then I logged onto ChatGPT and gave it the following command: “Write 300 words on rain and snow in California this year.” See if you can determine who wrote what, and perhaps what factors informed your guesses. To borrow a line from another commercial from the same era as Memorex: “Try it, you’ll like it.”

Entry #1:

California is no stranger to extreme weather patterns, and this year has been no exception. The state has experienced a mix of heavy rain and snowfall, which has brought both benefits and challenges to the region.

Starting with rainfall, California has seen an unusual amount of precipitation this year. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), the state received above-average rainfall in the early months of 2023.This has led to higher-than-normal reservoir levels and increased water supply for farmers and the urban population. Moreover, the wet conditions have provided relief to drought-stricken areas, reducing the risk of wildfires, and improving air quality. However, heavy rainfall has also caused flooding and landslides in some areas, resulting in road closures and property damage.

As for snowfall, California’s mountains have seen significant snow accumulation this year. The Sierra Nevada range, which supplies much of the state’s water, has received above-average snowpack levels. This is good news for farmers, who rely on melting snow for irrigation during the dry summer months. Additionally, the snow has created ideal conditions for winter sports enthusiasts, boosting tourism in mountain towns. However, the heavy snowfall has also caused road closures and increased risk of avalanches, posing a danger to drivers and outdoor adventurers.

Overall, the unusual weather patterns in California this year have brought both benefits and challenges. While the rainfall and snow have provided much-needed relief to drought-stricken areas and boosted water supply, they have also caused flooding, landslides, and other hazards. As the climate continues to change, it is crucial for the state to develop effective strategies for managing extreme weather events and mitigating their impacts.

Entry # 2

Both Northern and Southern California are in the process of digging themselves out of a record-breaking winter, especially those communities at higher elevations. Over the last five months or so, Californians were either shoveling snow or dodging puddles as one storm after another pummeled the state in relentless torrents of rain and snow. The streams of concentrated moisture, otherwise known as “atmospheric rivers,” the likes of which had not been experienced in quite some time, had the positive effect of removing California from the “severe” drought that the state has been in for several years, and the corresponding negative effect of causing widespread damage to the landscape and personal property, forcing people to evacuate their homes, only to return facing costly cleanups and rebuilding.

 While it is good news that the severe drought has been alleviated somewhat, the state is now bracing itself for what is sure to follow as spring gives way to summer and the record snowpacks in the state’s mountainous areas begin to melt, which is almost certain to cause widespread flooding yet again, especially in low-lying areas.

There are already reports of rivers being near capacity, and in the central valley of the state, farmers and ranchers are bracing themselves for flooded fields and ruined crops, as they know that it is only a matter of time before the inevitable happens. It is quite a turnaround from what everyone has been hearing about this particular area over the last few years. Parched earth, water rationing, ruined crops, criticism of the state’s water management, aquifers, and reservoirs at historic lows, have all been part of the state’s narrative for far too long.

 While the first storms brought a sense of relief, when they continued to the tune of, at last count, twelve atmospheric rivers, some of them coming back, to back, to back, it was all too much to handle. The state reached 400%-600% of its average rainfall for the period of mid-December to January of this year, and there still more storms to come in February and March. It was also a much colder winter than normal, which is why the snowpack was so significant, because it occurred at lower elevations as well as the tallest peaks.

So. Which one did I write, and why do you think so? This is the first time I have ever used ChatGPT, and the last time. Go ahead and accuse me of being a technological neophyte, or worse yet, a Luddite, but please keep in mind that I am typing this on a computer, saving it to my external hard drive, saving it in the “cloud,” and posting it on a blog that I created from scratch. Luddite my ass!

Los Angeles 2023

To say that North American, especially the US, has a long-entrenched history with the automobile may seem like a “duh” statement, but it is a bit more complicated than that, as these things usually are. There have been countless words written about “America’s love affair with the automobile,” and yet countless more that have debunked that popular myth. Of course, where you “stand” on our/your collective relationship with cars in this country, depends on many factors, but for me one of the most important ones is when and where you grew up. Coming “of age” (in this case referring to when you got your first driver’s license) for example, as I did in 1967 (in Canada), the sight of the Cadillac above (which was just sitting in an alley off 2^nd St. in downtown Los Angeles the other day when I took the photo) would be a fairly common occurrence. In 1967 I had no idea what a Toyota was, had never heard the word. That would be true for most people of that era; even though the first Toyotas were in the US in the late 50s, they didn’t really make a larger impression until 1965/66 when the first Toyota Corona, specifically designed for American drivers (whatever that means!) flooded the auto market. The first ones in Canada didn’t arrive until around 1969.

When I wrote above, “whatever that means,” I was referring to the fact that Americans, especially in those days, preferred their cars had “style,” were bigger, much bigger, and did not look so utilitarian! As you can see by the two photos of the Cadillacs (1960/1965), there are many stylistic changes that have taken place, which would be true of the models of this car for the years in between as well. However, the Corona pictured above, was exactly the same in 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970! In 1971, it finally received a makeover:

Yeah, I know! Back in the day, the release of next year’s car models in the US was a big thing. When I was growing up, there was a family ritual that went like this: After dinner on Sunday evening, my parents and my brother and I would settle in front of the television to watch two shows: “Ed Sullivan” and then “Bonanza.” Now Bonanza was sponsored by Chevrolet, one of GMs brands, and when the new models were rolling out, usually in September, Bonanza would air, for that one Sunday, without any commercials during the show. Instead, the broadcast would begin with an extended introduction to all the new Chevrolet models for that year, in retrospect, like one long infomercial! We watched every last second, except for my mom, who at the time did not drive, and couldn’t really see what all the fuss was about! Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was also my first introduction to the “old” 6^th Street bridge in Los Angeles, which is famously known for the amount of car commercials filmed on it over the years, a bridge that I have lived a block away from for the past 12 years!

There were many, many kids of that era that I am certain had similar experiences to mine, although I feel mine got an extra boost from my dad, who at the time was a travelling salesman and spent a great deal of time in his car. And he knew his cars. Boy, did he know them! I have a vivid memory of being around 5/6 years old (1955/6) and standing on the balcony of our apartment playing the game: “Name that car.” He would point to a car passing by and I would have to give him the make, model, and year. Not to brag, but I usually nailed it! Now, take that same game and have a 5/6 year-old boy in 1969/70 playing it. His dad points to a passing car and the kid proudly exclaims: “Ha, that’s a 1966 Toyota Corona! Oh, wait, maybe it’s a 1969…no, make that a 1967…shit this game is hard!” “What did you just say!” The struggle was real.

Another fond memory of my Dad and his relationship to his cars was that later in life, whenever he was recalling something from his past, an event, a particular milestone, something we had done as a family, etc., etc., his particular trigger to recall that memory was the car that he owned at the time! It was quite amazing in retrospect. A typical conversation would go like this:

“Hey Dad, remember when we had that wonderful day skiing, and then it snowed the whole way home at the end of the day?”

“Of course, I remember. I had the 65, sky blue, Pontiac, Grand Prix!”

Now, I did not own my first car until several years after getting my driver’s license (a 1965 VW Bug, which was four years old when I bought it for $350.00!), so I had to get my driving fix whenever the one car we owned as a family was available. Did I mention that my father was a travelling salesman? But I had my tricks. Just about every Sunday (my dad was usually home on the weekends), I would offer to wash the car, with the added stipulation that once I was finished, I could take it for a spin, presumably to dry it that way, after washing it and hosing it down. I didn’t say it was a great trick, did I? Better yet, in the evenings he would allow me to drive the car to a friend’s house, which may sound like a wonderful opportunity to get some miles in, except for the fact that my best three buddies at that time lived close enough for me to walk there in less that five minutes…I may have taken a circuitous route on occasion, but it still took me less than three minutes. I did eventually get my miles in. There were a couple of summers, when I was done with school, that my dad took me with him on some of his extended sales trips, as his “assistant,” but also to help with the driving. His territory at the time was all of Quebec and Ontario, and if you consider that Ontario itself is 1,200 miles long from east to west, not to mention going north and south, there was a great deal of ground to cover.

I would be remiss if I did not mention Hollywood’s contribution to our fascination with the automobile and the celebration of it. Movies such as “Thunder Road” (1958), “Thunder in California” (1960), “Red Line 7000” (1965), “Hot Rods to Hell” (1967), and perhaps the one with the best title: “The Daring Young Men in their Jaunty Jalopies: Monte Carlo or Bust” (1969). Probably the most celebratory car movie, and one that also treats the car as a kind of “rite of passage” for young men, was “American Graffiti” (1973). This would actually be the last movie for a time that “celebrated” the car, as by 1973 the United States, and much of the Western world were in the throes of the 70s “Oil Crisis,” as it was known at the time (1970-1980). And seemingly just like that, Hollywood shifted from “celebrating” cars to “demonizing” them. Some of you will remember that cult classic, “The Car” (1977), about a possessed Lincoln Continental, travelling the backroads of rural America (the heartland) indiscriminately killing people. Or, “Christine” (1983), based on Stephen King’s novel of the same name, about a 1958 Plymouth Fury, a car that appeared to have a mind of its own, as well as a jealous and possessive personality. All this because, as we know, not only were there oil shortages, but gas prices jumped 35 % (1973/4) or, $0.39 a gallon…wait for it…to a staggering $0.53 per gallon! Even adjusted for inflation and in 2023 dollars, that represents an increase from $2.28 – $2.82 a gallon, or half the amount I just paid per gallon to fill up! Yeah, wake me up when there’s a real “crisis!”

All of which brings me back to the second photo at the top: The 2022 Toyota C+ Pod EV, which can just about fit in the trunk of the 1960 Cadillac beside it. For the curious, I provide the following:

SPECIFICATIONS	Toyota C+ Pod EV-2020	Cadillac Coupe DeVille-1960
Wheelbase	70.1 inches	130.0 inches
Length	98.0 inches	225.0 inches
Width	50.8 inches	79.9 inches
Height	61.0	NA
Weight	1400-1500 lbs.	4,820 lbs.
Horsepower	12	325
Miles per Gallon	93 miles per charge	15

The Toyota seats two people, while the Cadillac seats six, but if you were hard-pressed, you could probably squeeze another two or three. So, is this what we can expect the future of automobiles to be, like the C+ Pod? It is, as you know, already happening, as more and more hybrid and all electric cars make their way into the North American market. It has, of course, been happening for decades in Europe and other parts of the world. And as I write, I can imagine that Hollywood is trying to figure out how to stylize that oft-repeated scene in so many movies. You know, the one where the intrepid hero travelling across rural America pulls into a two-pump gas station with tumbleweeds blowing along the road, and a crusty old, bearded attendant with overalls, a rag sticking out of his back pocket, and a mouth full of chewing tobacco, walks up to the car, discharges a wad of tobacco sputum, and says: “Filler-up?”  I don’t know about you, but I am having trouble getting my head around re-imagining that scene with an electric charging station and no engine noise!

Los Angeles 2023

“Good evening. Welcome to Box News’s [Box News: “If it’s “facts” you want, think outside the Box!”] Evening Update for this Wednesday, November 2, 2033, I’m your host Shane Yannit. Top stories we are following tonight: Melon Suk’s recent purchase of Amazon; Zoff Jebes’s recent purchase of Earth; The Supreme Court’s decision to not make any more decisions; and of course, the top story of the day, coverage of the first day of President Ivanka Trump’s (IT) trial for sedition. But first, we have a special report from Carlos Turneck, covering this unprecedented trial of a sitting President for Box News, on the “evolution” of language which, as he informs us, has had a major impact on the proceedings for this trial’s first day.”

“Good evening, Carlos.”

“Good evening, Shane.”

“We are excited to have you with us tonight after your rather long absence, for personal reasons, from the show. I guess it is kind of fitting that your first assignment back is covering the first day of President Trump’s trial, especially since your relationship with the current President’s father, former President, then ex-President, then convicted felon, went sour for reasons that are best left unsaid…” (whispering): ^{“Was he that upset with you for paying extra attention to Animale when she was so distraught seeing her husband being escorted out of Larm-A-Goa dressed in prison-issue stripes and looking like a pregnant zebra…with triplets?}  Ahem, anyway. We are very excited to hear your report on how language has evolved and, as it would appear, continues to do so, as is evident in the events that transpired today at the courthouse in downtown Manhattan. At least, according to you.

“Yes…well…thank you for that introduction, Shane…” (whispering): ^{“You f%^%$ing piece of s&^%t. How dare you?} As you are no doubt aware, ^{(although, probably not, you uniformed wanker)} my following report on language is very apropos as we were confronted, head-on, before the trial even started, with a startling example of what this report reveals, which is that language continues to not only evolve, but is also full of surprises. And I assure you, that is not the only surprise on the table tonight!

“Well, Carlos, we all love a good surprise, even me!  All of us here at Box’s futuristic, new studio in Clinton NJ and, I am sure, our hundreds maybe even a thousand viewers, can’t wait any longer for what I am sure is a scintillating report…” ^{“Sanctimonious, overpaid, smug a-hole!”} Take it away Carlos!

I am standing outside the courthouse and, as you can see behind me, the people filing out of the building all have these rather perplexed looks on the faces, as they have just witnessed something they have never seen before and are having a very difficult time processing the events that just unfolded inside courtroom number 49, which is very fitting since IT is the 49^th President!

^{Shane, watching Carlos’s report on his teleprompter, looks over at his colleagues in the newsroom with a horrified look on his face, and blurts out: “What the fuck is he talking about? So far, there has not been one lie! Is this his surprise? Has he lost his mind? Someone get Mrs. Murdoch on the phone pronto; she must be home from school by now! I am not going to let this egotistical, deranged lunatic take this prestigious network and make it respectable. Over my dead body!” [Several of Shane’s colleagues can be heard in the background saying: “If only!”]}

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I was inside that courtroom, and I know exactly why they are looking the way the do: Language. More specifically one word that was absent from this morning’s proceedings: TRUTH.

^{Shane: “That’s it, were doomed!}

But I’m getting ahead of myself. As I am sure many of you know, language is not static, it is always changing and adapting (in all languages) to the world around it. We have words now that we did not have 50 years ago like twerking, miniskirt, Tupperware, bling, hoodie, foodie, and metrosexual, just to name a few. The biggest changes in language can usually be seen around the development of new technologies and our language being inundated with neologisms.

^{Shane: “Inundated with neologisms? WTF! He barely made it through community college, and now he’s pontificating (sorry G-D) like a woke professor!”}

Words like googling, blog, cyberspace, cyberstalking, (cyber-anything really), webmaster, spyware, nanotechnology, mashup, app, emoticon, WiFi, and the list goes on and on. Or, in other instances, and directly related to the Internet’s entrance into our daily lives, common words that we know in one context, that now have new meanings. Words such as: bump, block, canoe, catfish, cloud, footprint, tablet, and bug have all been given new and specific meanings related to working with and on the Internet.

^{Rip Gransend, one of the talking heads on staff at Box, leans over in his chair and says to no one in particular: “Truth, after truth after truth after truth. He is single handedly trying to destroy us! Can’t we make this stop?”}

However, one of the most startling developments in the English language, came after the 2024 election…

^{The entire Box news staff: ‘Oh, oh…”}

when the professional sports world, seemingly having had enough with the demonizing of the words “left,” right,” and “center,” decided that any sports that used those words to indicate a player’s position on a field, or a sheet of ice (in this case “left winger,” and “right winger,”) replaced those words with “East” and “West,” essentially replacing specific locations with directions. And in their infinite wisdom, “center” became “East-North-South-West,” which is, of course, when widespread confusion swept across the entire electoral process and caused historically low turnouts for the following two elections in 2028 and 2032, mainly because most Americans wouldn’t know west from east from a hole in the ground! Soon after these changes were made in pro sports, conversations like the following began taking place:

“Excuse me sir. We’re from out of town, is there a restaurant you can recommend for lunch?”

“Why don’t you try historic Harry’s Diner? The food is amazing and it’s not too far of a walk.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely, is that east or west of here?

“How the fuck should I know? It’s over there,” pointing his finger to the right…er, I mean west/east!

^{Shane, face red with rage: “Is he off his meds? Why haven’t we been able to get a hold of Murdoch’s wife? What did you say? She had a detention and had to stay after school? Is it too late to talk to the big kahuna himself, or have they already started the cryogenic process? Can this day get any worse?”}

Now folks, I believe that it was this momentous language shift, responsible for creating the mass confusion I mentioned before, that paved the way for what transpired today in courtroom 49. After all the formalities were taking care of, and the prosecution called its first witness, none other than Jon Exseal, that the courtroom went into shock. Exseal, dressed in all black, except for a red tie, placed his “east/west” hand on a book, raised his other “east/west” hand, as the clerk read the following: “Do you, Jon Exseal, swear to tell the ‘enchilada,’ the whole ‘enchilada,’ and nothing but the ‘enchilada,’ so help you Allah?”

^{The whole newsroom: “Enchilada? Allah?”}

No, you heard that right. The judicial system of the United States of America has decided to remove the word “truth” from its swearing-in language. They are apparently, according to one of my reputable sources…

^{Shane, with a look of horror on his face: “Sources? Did that moron just say sources? Reputable sources? Is this the surprise? Box News has never used a ‘source,’ let alone a reputable one in its entire existence. We simply make shit up, pass on lies, twist information until it is unrecognizable…I need a drink. Somebody get me an allahdamn, shit, I mean goddamn drink!”}

…also in the process of trying to come up with another word for “fact” as well since it is so closely related to the word “truth.” And I have to say that I can’t really blame them!

^{Here it comes!}

During my prolonged absence from what had become an intolerable situation, I had an epiphany!

^{“Epiphany? Did he find someone’s Thesaurus? Allah, damn, God help us!”}

And that was that nobody in the entire country knew what was “true” anymore, because everyone was lying – the politicians, the media, advertisers, our parents, our friends – and the lies just kept on coming, because once it starts it snowballs, and as the snowball gains momentum, it gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until no one is able to remove themselves from its path. Sure, it started slowly enough, lies and distorted “facts” making their way into our lives through social media; and then when they had had enough and started booting people off the platforms, we got Truth Social, probably the most ironic name ever imagined, and as if that weren’t enough, Suk’s recent announcement of a soon-to-be-launched TruthGPT, in itself equally ironic! Everyone at Box News, including my former self, exacerbated the situation by attaching ourselves to…No, more like shoving our heads up the asses of other liars, cheats, and wingnuts whose sole mandate was power. Power to manipulate, power to obfuscate, power to reward their cronies and, most importantly, power to do what is best for themselves! Power to represent the people of this country? I’m afraid that did not even make the list!

I mean, how else do you explain IT becoming the 49^th President of the United States? Better yet, how did she get re-elected in a landslide win? Yes, part of that had to do with the dismal voter turnout, which explains how you can win an election by a “landslide” with only 28 votes out of a total 43! And you thought the previous election was bad, when only 218 people voted; a significant number because it represents the number of indictments the two candidates equally shared!

Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time. But if I may borrow a line from television history: “The truth is out there!” Goodnight.

^{Shane: “Has anyone seen the classifieds? Maybe MSNBC is hiring!”}

The End…If only!

Los Angeles 2023

I know! It’s only April and Easter is just around the corner, and Passover begins tonight but, in my defense, there are only 264 days before Christmas! This is not really about the holiday per se; it is really about the fact that this winter celebration has always been somewhat awkward for me, especially when I was growing up. I was born in Montreal, Québec, and for the first eight years of my life we lived in a predominantly French speaking part of the city. More precisely, I lived on 3080 Rue Bélanger which, if you don’t parler (speak) French would be pronounced “Bel Anger!” When I was very young this fact did not really impact me that much, but between the ages of, let’s say, six and eight, about the time one becomes aware of somewhat more than the basics, you know, eating, sleeping, that other thing, and being ridiculously cute, I knew something was off! This is about the same time as your world is expanding to include a few school and or playground chums who, as is often the case, introduce you to some different shit!  Now, I did attend an English school, but it was like a tiny English island in an ocean of French! It was then that I realized that somehow, we were different than everyone around us; we looked somewhat the same, but we didn’t speak the language, at least I couldn’t, my Father could, basically, and my mother a little less so. My baby brother, well he was still mastering the first language! To be fair, my English school friends were also somewhat different, but that difference seemed to only surface at certain times of the year.

Now, I am quite certain many children go through this experience, especially if you grow up in a large city, but it was more than that for me, because the difference became even more apparent as I grew up, especially on Christmas Day. Why? Because at my friends’ houses on that day, there was a tree all lit up, underneath of which were an abundance of neatly wrapped presents, with the names of the future recipients neatly printed: Joyeaux Noël (Merry Christmas), Francine, Grandmere (Granny)! There was also talk about Pére Noël (Santa Claus), elfes (elves), les douze nuits de Noël (the 12 nights of Christmas), and other holiday specific rituals. And then there was talk about the next day, le lendemain de Noël (Boxing Day) (not a thing here in the US), and then there was turkey! The same thing was going on in my English friends’ homes, except in parentheses!

In my house there might have been a tree, possibly with some lights, but let’s be honest, Hannukah trees (they’re really called bushes!) compared to Christmas trees? That’s like comparing apples and spark plugs! There was talk in my house too, but it was centered around the eight nights of Hannukah (don’t get me wrong, celebrating for eight nights instead of one, did have some appeal to an eight year-old), there was the lighting of candles for those eight nights with the recital of some prayer by someone, usually me, in a language that didn’t exactly roll off my tongue in those days, as I lit one main candle, and then another, one each night from right to left, which just felt so wrong, but you don’t have much say in these things when you’re eight! And there was no turkey, not even close, although the latkes, potato pancakes fried in oil and served with sour cream or applesauce, did make up for that somewhat! The other thing that made this day even weirder for me was that Christmas Day was always on the same day, year, after year, after year, which is normal when you’re celebrating someone’s birthday. But Hannukah… no such luck! For example, the dates for the Festival of Lights, as it’s sometimes called, for last year, this year, and next year were, are, will be Dec.18-26, Dec.7-15, and Dec.25-Jan.2! How the hell is an eight-year-old supposed to process that crap?  

We also seemed to “celebrate” Boxing Day, for the same reason, or so I thought, which is where I got the idea in my head that we did indeed have some things in common! But, to add to my eight-year-old brain’s confusion, there were also presents neatly wrapped, but they were all addressed to my Dad, because it was his birthday. Yup, my dad and the baby Jesus! The gifts were all purchased by my mom, though, and delivered by her, not some guy in a red suit with a long white beard, in a sled traveling through the sky, and being pulled by a pack of reindeer with these ridiculous names! Hey, they’re pretty ridiculous in English; you should hear them in French! Yeah, I probably understood the difference between a person’s birthday and another culture’s religious tradition centered around a celebration of the birth of Christ, I mean I was eight years old, and it was the 50s, and we were on top of things really early in our development way back then! So yeah, it screwed me up for a good few years, but like most things at that age, you just kind of move on to the next conundrum waiting in line!

I am happy to report that I have gotten over this childhood trauma. I even succumbed to my wife’s request to have a “holiday” tree in our loft, although I drew the line at an actual Christmas type tree, and instead we decorate a tall plant with some lights and ornaments. I have to admit it does brighten the place up a little and feels festive even though we are not exchanging any gifts. And it does remind me of my dad!

Los Angeles 2023