How Old is OLD?

I read an article in the LA Times last month titled: “Is Trump impaired? Is Biden? Issue is here to stay.” I was not at all surprised to see this headline, because for quite some time now we have been fed a steady diet of posts, articles, op-eds, letters to the editor, etc., etc., telling us that Biden is too old to be President and Trump is too…well take your pick: old, deranged, sadistic, narcissistic, and the list goes on. After reading the piece, which is really a discussion about aging citing the usual “experts,” I began to think about…well, about being “old” which, I suppose, is not surprising since I turned 73 last year, making me only four years younger than Trump and eight years younger than Biden. More on this to follow, but first some context of a personal nature spanning three generations.

My grandfather was born in the Ukraine in 1903, making his way to Canada in 1924. Two years later, my father was born (1926), and twenty-four years after that in 1950, I arrived on the scene. My grandfather never really talked that much about his life in the “old country,” but over the years I was able to piece together what it must have been like for a Jew living in the Ukraine in the early 1900s. When my grandfather turned sixty-five (1968), I was 18 years-old, and he seemed to me at the time to be a very “old” man. I say “very” because at 18, I thought my dad was an old man, and he was only 42. Teenagers. When my dad turned 65 I had just turned 41. I remember the year before that when I turned 40 and I was complaining to my mom that I was now “old,” having forgotten, conveniently, my previous pronouncements about what old was. Her response to this was: “Age is just a number,” channeling her inner Joan Collins. I never forgot that conversation. Twenty-seven years later, when my mom turned 90, I phoned her to wish her a happy birthday and she complained to me that she was old. I finally had my payback moment. I paused and then said: “Mom, age is just a number,” She chuckled, and without missing a beat she said: “Yeah, but it’s a big fucking number.” My mom never swore in her life, but at 90, I guess she had a point!

So, I will ask again: “How old is OLD?” Yes, I am aware that this is a loaded question, and there are many variables to consider before even attempting a response, if indeed the question is even answerable. We have all encountered people in our lives who do not look their age (some look much younger, some much older) and, as in the example of my grandfather, there are a whole range of factors to consider before jumping to any conclusions. There are also many people out there who do not “act” their age, whatever that is supposed to mean. But I seem to remember, as I am sure many of you will, that phrase being directed my way by my parents when I was growing up: “Irwin, act your age,” not to mention a score of other parenting idioms that we all heard growing up. And since I seem to be on the idiom bandwagon here, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one directly related to age and aging: “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” But we do judge, and we do make assumptions based on those judgements, which is exactly what is going on with the two candidates for president. Although I am not a voracious consumer of news about elections, it appears to me that all we are hearing about is whether the two candidates are fit for office. Nothing, or at least not very much is being said or written about policies, programs, geopolitics, the environment, trade deficits and surpluses, foreign aid, wars…You know, the normal fare that is served up for debate before elections. All we have are accusations and two candidates and their respective parties trading barbs on social media – one telling everyone that he is in great shape, the other that he is not guilty of…take your pick. Then there are the headlines: “Biden mixes words up in speech,” or, “It was a bad day for Trump, as two judges denied this, that, or the other thing.” And that, as far as I am concerned, is what this election is going to be about. Two camps, diametrically opposed, defending their choice. The media is making it this way, not to mention all the comedians who are having a field day with both candidates.

If there is, in fact, intelligent life out there in our solar system, and they are watching this unfold, I am almost certain that they are making sure their streaming subscriptions are up to date, because they sure as hell wouldn’t want to miss the ninth season of “The Greatest Show on Earth,” my tip of the hat to DeMille’s 1952 classic about Barnum and Bailey’s three-ring circus, only this version is more likely to be called the “three-trial circus,” coming to a city or courtroom near you soon. As Stephen Sondheim wrote for his 1973 musical, “A Little Night Music,” “Send in the Clowns!”

Los Angeles 2024